OVER THE HILL

When I was in my early twenties I use to think about what it would be like to be sixty. I would look at my parents who were in their late 40s at the time, and deem them old, especially with respect to my mother’s conservative ideas regarding marriage, and my father’s conservative political viewpoints. My grandparents, whom I never really knew, were already in their 70s, and consequently “really old” and completely over the hill, at least in my mind. In retrospect, the funniest, but most concerning thoughts I had was wondering when I would transform into “really old,” what I would look like, and how I would look back on my life. I assumed that the transformation would bring with it a great deal of wisdom, experience, insight and most of all, graceful maturity. I, like many of my peers, truly expected that I would see life differently than I did when I was in my twenties. All would be right with the world. I would be regarded as relevant, successful, well to do, and most of all, happy and content with how the preceding sixty years had evolved.


So now I am sixty and thus far, I have not felt any dramatic change in how I perceive my wisdom, my insight, or my level of maturity. Of course, my appearance has evolved over the last forty years, but whose hasn’t! (Well, I can think of a few super stars, but like Cee Lo Green sings, forget them!) Anyway, even with all of the advanced surgical procedures available to supplement the fountain of youth, the body and the face change. But, appearance is not the issue here (at least for now). Rather it’s the assumption that all of those years would bring about a completely different person … a mature, wise adult with a plethora of knowledge and experience that could be handed down to the next generation. It's just a personal perception, but I still don't feel like that adult.


On the inside I feel like the same person that I was in the first two-thirds of my life. While the relevance of my professional status may have diminished, I still like many of the same things I liked as a twenties something…top 40 music, symphony and opera, theater, art and history, sports, health and fitness, travel, and reading about all of above. I'm a true romantic and I imagine myself as libidinous as ever. Of somewhat less importance in my life today are politics and religion. My faith in God has wavered to some degree, (thank you very much Stephen Hawking and your Grand Design). And, when I walk into a conversation involving politics I turn my head and bolt in the opposite direction, unlike my youth when I was a devout, card-carrying Republican – no matter what. I mean, what’s the point since no one can get it right anyway? (I’ve switched parties over the years--- I couldn't get it right either). This leaves me with a really questionable legacy. What impressionable thoughts and ideas am I able to pass down to my son? Do I even want to establish a more meaningful legacy? Is it too late to make some kind of a difference, at least with my friends and family?


What does any of this have to do with the last third of my life? In my mind it’s rather simple. It seems to be a great time to approach the last third in a more purposeful manner. Rather than assuming that being in my sixties makes me “over the hill,” I think it’s time to stomp out any fears I have of learning new things, taking risks, and making personal decisions that might make the people I love uncomfortable. My son recently suggested that I was losing my “relevance” because I no longer chose to work at my career, especially one that I had really loved. He seemed to believe that if I was no longer economically productive, I would be regarded in a different light, especially by my professional colleagues. I guess what he never understood was that my career kept me away from home…I was a road warrior. Instead of being a loving wife and mom, I was passionately married to my job. I was closer to my clients than my friends and family. By the time I was in my 40s and 50s I realized I wanted nothing more than to be a great mom --- time was running out, and I knew my son would be leaving home for college and a career of his own. While I never completely stopped working, I ultimately gave up the road for the high school PTA. That was one of the hardest transitions of my life. Now at sixty, I envision more significant changes in my future, mostly those of a more personal nature, and far more self-centered and egocentric.


I'm currently focused on taking greater control of the direction and emotion of the rest of my life. Twenty plus years of “bliss,” connected to a person or persons who inspire me to challenge myself, to continue to learn, and to reconnect with the things I’ve always loved to do throughout my more “youthful” years, is essential to my “ last third.” I truly believe that what I’ve done to date has set the bar for what’s to come. I do not intend to hike “over the hill,” unless it includes high sloping fairways on the golf course, or long, winding trails in one of the national parks. To this end, I’m hoping to develop a plan for growing my mind, body and spirit. I'm working on giving more to my community, and to the causes and interests about which I care the most deeply. Of even greater importance, I hope to uncover new opportunities and attack them full force in the same manner and with the same amount of energy that I used to attack my business career.